she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
God I need to hump something, right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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