my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
