I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
