We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
