he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
