Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
