I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize