The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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