mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize