you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
