Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
