Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
