After last night, I could never be a politician.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
