I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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