I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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