I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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