My nipple is on Facebook.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
