There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
