We're facebook friends in real life
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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