Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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