If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
