There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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