Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
