Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
