Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize