bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
