It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
