mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
