This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize