I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
