she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
