New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
