After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
