I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
