he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
