I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
