Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
