girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Someone shattered a urinal.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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