is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
