my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
