Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
