so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
