how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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