ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
