woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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