i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
