should my penis look like a turkey
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is her dick bigger than yours?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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