I must be too annoying 4 u.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
