Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
