I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
