your parents love me but you hate me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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