when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
