I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
