I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize