is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
