He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
