But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
