If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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