It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
