I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
