he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
