census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize