yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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