Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
