From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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