a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
