I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
