grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
